As busy parents, it is easy to allow the time we set aside for ourselves be the first thing to slip away. But time for ourselves can be the most important investment we make. It helps us be the best parent, partner, and person we can be. Which is why having a hobby, really investing in and committing to a hobby, is an important gift we can give ourselves.
What is a hobby?
A hobby is different than an interest or something occasionally explored. Having a hobby means a sustained commitment to learning and exploring a selected topic or activity. It is a relationship with yourself while exploring your specific interests in a long-term way.
A hobby is usually defined as any enjoyable leisure activity that we engage in voluntarily and consistently when we are free from the demands of work or other responsibilities. A hobby may be inspired by an interest, but it typically requires more commitment and involves taking action, like learning a new skill, or collecting, building or creating something. Hobbies are essentially the active pursuit of a personal interest.
Why have a hobby?
Having a hobby has benefits scientifically proven to make your life happier and healthier. It may be surprising, but having a hobby can lead to: better health such as less severe disease and greater longevity (it doesn’t matter if the hobby is a physical activity or sedentary), better sleep, better work performance, lower stress, and more friends. (Source)
My personal experience with hobbies –
I love hobbies! In fact, I have way too many hobbies. Such as:
Blogging/Writing (read February’s Substack letter for why I started this website)
Yoga
Hiking
Paddleboarding
Baking
Cooking
Camping
Traveling
Reading
Even though I haven’t written about them, I also work on photo editing, kayaking, sewing, cross-stitching, have done calligraphy, knitted, went through a running phase, quilted, and tackled the piano (complete with regular lessons).Â
The science and the lifestyle benefits to having a hobby are things I believe in based on firsthand experience.
I enjoy being more than my work and my kids. I find great value in contributing to the world through a creative adventure and exploring the different aspects of my personality. It brings me closer to myself and to who I think I was meant to be. It takes time, which always feels like a limited commodity in my life, but something I find worth the commitment.
How to Start - and Keep - a Hobby
Table of Contents
Decide what matters to you, and pick something to begin
The hardest decision is WHAT hobby to pick up. But the odds are, there are some clear signals as to what your hobby is – or should be.
Look at your childhood, and rekindle something you enjoyed then. What have you always said you wanted to do? There may be something you are already doing regularly that you can build on. (Reading a lot? Get a website and write book reviews!) Or maybe life is pushing you towards it. (Did you get invited to play on the company softball team? Are your kids into martial arts and can you do a family class? Are you headed to Spain and always wanted to learn the language?)
The key is to pick something that fits your lifestyle right now, that you have the resources to tackle, and is something that you are excited by.
Don’t pick “cycling” as you new hobby if you can’t afford a bike. If you have little kids that require you to be home a lot, consider a hobby you can do at any time of day, even from the couch.
Start by writing down what pops into your head. Make a list of anything that occurs to you as a potential hobby.
This list I stumbled on from Cultivate What Matters is a great starting point for brainstorming:
Pick your new hobby with awareness of what is important to you and what fits your life at this point in time.
Also: only pick one hobby to start (don’t be me!). See how one hobby goes first, then decide if you want to add in another later. But don’t overwhelm yourself.
Get what you need to begin (but don't get carried away)
Once you’ve decided on your hobby, make a list of what you need to get started.
Make a “must have” and a “would be nice to have” column. Be honest in this assessment. With music, consider signing up for lessons. With art, consider what you really need to start painting (an easel, brushes, paper, paints) and what would be nice to have but you don’t need yet (a dedicated studio space with amazing lighting).
Get what you need to start, but don’t overcommit. Feeling overwhelmed by money and stuff for your new hobby, combined with a dreadful feeling of how much of a waste it will all be if this hobby doesn’t stick, is not a good start.
I actually don’t think starting a new hobby requires you to be all-in, at least not until you really see if it fits with your life and is something you want to continue. I started paddleboarding by renting a board for $20 every time I went out. Eventually, I realized I loved it. I started yoga at the Carrboro Parks and Rec in North Carolina and realized I loved it. Once I realized I wanted those hobbies to be part of my life, I invested more money in them.
Make a plan, build it in to the schedule
You must schedule your time. Use whatever calendaring system you have and put time dedicated to your hobby on there. Then honor that. Whether it’s an early morning before the kids are awake, a lunch time instead of going out to eat with coworkers again, or after dinner, make it happen. Do not wait until the time is right or you feel like it. Those two things, particularly occurring at the same time, will be rare.
When the excuses start, keep in mind that the average American watches 2.6 hours of television a day and a large swath of the population in our country watches 5 hours of television a day. This excerpt from the New York Times article says it best:
And Don’t Let Screens Become Your Hobby
We all know the internet, social media and emails can be a big time-suck. And at the end of a busy week, crashing in front of the television or the laptop might feel like relaxation, but often it’s not. The Journal of Sleep Medicine recently reported that binge watchers get poorer sleep. And screens can be physiologically and psychologically stimulating, whether it’s action sequences on the television or the artificial blue light emitted by our devices. Another negative of screen time: It tends to be a solo pursuit that keeps us from engaging with our loved ones.
Find some accountability
To make sure you honor the time you’ve scheduled, set up some accountability. This looks different to everyone. How you respond to expectations will depend on your personality. (To explore this topic, I highly recommend Gretchen Rubin’s book The Four Tendencies.)
For me, I love goal-setting each month and tracking against my goals. Some people respond to apps and phone trackers. Other people need a friend or other loved one to hold them accountable. Some need a group counting on them (lessons, teams, clubs) to be sure they show up. For others, saying it out loud and showcasing it on social media can be accountability.
You owe it to yourself to follow through with your decision and your plan – find the accountability that is gentle enough to allow yourself grace and space, but keeps you on track to show up for yourself
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Commit
Commit to remembering your why, your calendar, and your accountability over and over again. Be kind to yourself but, if you find you enjoy this new hobby, recommit to it over and over again. Sit down at the beginning of the month and make recommitment an action.
Embrace a Beginner's Mindset - and challenge
I prefer to excel and succeed at whatever I do (who doesn’t?). While I can tame it, I can be very competitive. (Read this article on my journey with this topic.)
But to start a new hobby, you have to be a beginner. It requires being humble and letting go of expectations outside of the joy of branching out and trying something new. Try to be commited to the journey but not attached to any results.
For inspiration on this, I recommend the book Beginners: The Joy and Transformative Power of Lifelong Learning by Tom Vanderbilt.
Share the journey
in her book Unicorn Space, Eve Rodsky makes a compelling argument for sharing the things we create. She encourages readers to take what they make, to take their skills and passions, and give them to the outside world. For Rodsky, it primarily has to do with the creative life cycle and the necessity of being in a community to share your gifts: it lights us up from the inside.
To be clear, sharing the journey doesn’t have to be selling on Etsy or performing at Oktoberfest. it can also be sharing with family members. Let the family sing along to “Yellow Submarine” while you strum the ukulele.
Also, sharing the experience can inspire the people in your life to go out and experience new things themselves. Don’t share your new hobby to perform or brag, but share it to inspire others and perhaps even connect with others who share your interest and can inspire you!
Get resources and support when you need it
Explain your new commitment to your hobby with your family and your loved ones. Ask for their support. Speak your intentions out loud. Use goal setting, Powersheets, or other tracking systems if they help. And when you need a trainer, a group, a class, or lessons… when you need the extra gear… go get it!
You and your time are worth the investment.